Growing up, I saw that my mom had friends, but for some reason I’m not sure she ever got to experience girlfriends like I have. My family moved around a lot when I was a kid and I’m the type of person who really needs meaningful relationships. It was tough to maintain those when moving every year or two. Fast-forward a decade or two and I get to choose how to move forward in my adult life.
It happened kind of by accident, kind of by magic, as these things do. I was invited to a Bunco group by a friend whose neighbor decided to start a group. Little did I know that would be the beginning of what we now refer to as “The Fearsome Foursome.” A decade later we still go out every couple of months, spending hours catching up on each others’ lives, spouses, kids, jobs, struggles, and triumphs. There have been times that we go out and random people recognize us from years earlier… I think they recognize the special connection we have to each other. We support each other fiercely, often giving each other encouragement and frequently raving about one another via group text, alternating with inappropriate memes as needed. My mom didn’t have friends like this!
One of our foursome, Jennifer, was particularly adventurous and spontaneous and would always propose going on trips somewhere – anywhere! The amazing thing was, with elementary age kids and a ton of responsibilities, we still somehow managed to go on those trips. Those excursions to Las Vegas, Monterey, San Francisco, and everywhere in between became a sort of super-glue between the four of us. It became a safe place, free of judgment and full of love. We have the craziest stories from those trips – laughing until our sides hurt. That’s the good stuff, my friends!
Reason 1: We Understand
Women wake up every day and might feel very different than we did yesterday. Where are we in our cycle today? How are the hormones? How aren’t they? Some of us take it even further with birth stories, which I liken to war stories: bodily fluids, some pain, some trepidation, and an event etched in our memory so clearly we can recall incredible levels of detail.
We know what it’s like to remember to park under a parking lot light when it’s going to be dark later, to wonder if you should carry pepper spray, and to make sure and get a running partner so you have a buddy. And it shouldn’t be that way, by the way.
We know what it’s like to find your tribe – those people who make you feel invincible and fearless, like you can do anything you put your mind to.
Because you can.
Reason 2: No Judgment
Sister, we’ve been there, done that. Sweatpants and slippers at the grocery store with a raging cold at 11pm for some NyQuil, haven’t worked out in weeks/months/years, breakouts on the face, car needs an oil change/tires/transmission, and more. There are just times we love our significant other/parent/kids/pets and have just had it. We need to vent. Times when we do. not. know. what. to. do.
Wait – you went through this same potentially life-altering event last year? What did you learn? Do you know something I don’t? Can you help me?
Reason 3: The Love Hormone
Oxytocin – the love, or bonding, hormone. When women encounter stress we “tend and befriend” other women, which generates Oxytocin, working with Serotonin and makes us feel safe and loved. This can actually add years to our lives as we get older. I’m sure you’ve seen it when a friend goes through a rough breakup or worse and draws on the strength of her tribe when she needs support.
Hugs!
Reason 4: Support Systems Help Fight Cancer
Seriously – I’m not making this up. Check out this Oncology Times article. Beyond the obvious benefits of feeling supported, my experience has been that women will go to amazing lengths to help a sister out. They bring meals, take kids to school, clean bathrooms and more. I have had women pool together funds to hire a cleaning angel and her team to scrub my entire house such that you could eat off of any surface without fearing illness. I hired this angel and, 10 years later, I am still a client.
You are pretty awesome, and it means a lot. Thank you.
Reason 5: Empowerment
It is just downright empowering to get back to “real life” after a backpacking trip and know that you have absolutely kicked ass, hiking more miles than most people would consider traveling on foot in a day, carrying everything you need on your back, covering an impressive number of total miles, and seeing things that people do not get to see unless they invest the same sweat that you did. Photos don’t even come close to touching the actual experience!
The metaphors are strong. It’s super hard, but you did it – one step at a time, literally. One day at a time, literally. You felt the fear and did it anyway. You saw the big giant mountain and thought there’s no way you can climb that thing, but now here you are on the other side of it because you walked from one side to the other.
When you finish a TerraTrek you will feel proud of yourself, and for good reason. The investment of effort is high, and the reward is great. You will be talking about this trip and remembering those snapshots in your mind FOREVER. It’s important to humans to be faced with our smallness and to overcome.
Adventure is forever!